Saturday, January 31, 2009

we've been apart...and why???

its was been almost 3 months and ahead we've been apart...and still i dunno why...i try to think back why all this happens to us but i still cannot figured out.What i know that since u have many friends, we reraly sending emails,chat or bump to each others like we always do.Deep in my heart, i really miss u so much..miss the chat, miss the jokes and miss all the conversations that we had before.Keeping thinking and guessing it is my faults or did i do something wrong that make us apart but i still cannot find the answers.But then i realise the reasons all this things happen is because of me.I been try to avoid u,runnning away from u and been prays not to see u because the feeling that i had inside make me suffer everytime i start thinking alots bout u.I know im not supposed to do that as i was avoiding you, but i can t help my self as we getting close and closer, my heart keeping saying that i love you.Well even sometimes we still bump to each other but the smile and the words of saying 'Hi' is not like the same we use to do.i know there was something going on with you even i try to ask and you still giving me the same answers as nothing happen.But i know there was somthinng or two.B..i know i just friend with you since the first day we spoke to each other, but i dont know why i got this feeling that i want you more than just a friend.And i know u keeping asking me why i keep avoiding you but if i told you my feeling, wil you hear it, will you accept it or will oyu approved it?? Well i know you already had a girl and she is beautiful and you two are loving couple, but this feeling that i had as a friend keep changing with day by day as i cannot take it anymore and that is why i keep avoiding you..And your reaction is none, as u never know.Its sound silling and stupid, but wotiut you even know, i still go and looking for you, anywhere that i thought i were and any place that i know u will be..just to make sure that you are ok.
B..i know im making the big maistakes by using other email and pretending someone else so that i can chat or fell closed to you.As you keep asking me who i was and keep seacrhing who am i, but i still lying to you as to make you didnt find out who am i really are...But i know one day or later you will find out..and even you already told me that you know the person who been chatting with you, still i denied it.But when the day you wrote that "i know you, and i never means to hurt you,".. i was cying so much and i was about to tell you the truth..but afraid you will hate me as i know by already hate me so much!!!!
B..i just tought that i will not know you before so i will not have this felling that i never had with anyone else before.But i glad im doing this as i know if we getting closed in the future, i might do other stupid things which i dont know but i might do.
I know after this will will not be the same person as we been before..but i wilsh all the best for oyu in life...and if you had anythings to talk or share...i be there for you..i will be...because im still your friend....if i still was...

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