B Free...

Is there anything left to say? its was almost a months i am here, you aren't. Where are you B....where are you A???? Everyday was a normal day; work was pretty rubbish, i came to office with an empty heart, ate fried mee, tried to call a friend i really want to talk to and couldn't get through. For most of the time i was thinking of you, but didn't know why i kept had this feeling even i already sais i had enough..
A... You were online earlier, i wonder, are you having a good time? Have you had yur meals yet? What time do you work? Had u get a nice sleep last night? have u ever thought e seconds about me today...yesterday...or a weeks before??? if you could just tell me that you have, i could do that too. but i dont know...even im dying to know what your feelings towords me right now...

I made my choice, i took you to my heart with open eyes and knowing what it made me. This is my punishment i guess, there is no such thing as "no strings", at least, not in my mind. I keep thinking as we discuss before the the relationships that we had and promise is about caring, knowing each others better and gives and takes on what we need to do so...


I've thought of telling B. Perhaps it's the only way out of this mess for us. If he can understand and live with it, he and I can build a a friendships as we always wanted and i think forgiveness is an impossible thing to ask for and i don't know that i want it anyway. If he can't, it's no more than I deserve and it's only right that i lose him because of it. I know i been lying to B as another person and chat and experess the feelings till he totally wanted to meets the real me.But i was so afraid...i not afraid actually but its just that i wanted to do a revenge for what he had done to me and make me suffers. Peoples do know...peopls can judges what ever they wanna said...whatever they wanted to think and whatever comes on they mind..but the truth is only me and him know exaclty what really happenes...

But in a way, that paints too simple a picture, it ignores what are essentially the problems in our relationship, which have nothing to do with what happened with A or either B. Except that if I had everything I wanted from B, i might not have invited you up to my life..my heart in the first place.

I think what I'm trying to say with this is, it's about time i got over you but i didnt know which one of you. I'm not sure if there's anything to really get over, but i realise that a year of this is going to be very dull for me, not to mention anyone who had the same situation as like me right now. I won't stop believing..i wont stop dreamings, but i think i will stop giving the 120% my hearts to someones unless they now what kinds of me..what the truht of me...whats my bad and good...the histories of my life and never ever takes me for granted and accept me a person..real person...And hope this times around it will be only one person only..

I dont wanna keep complaint what ever happens or will happends in my life as i wish everyday before i go to sleep i wanna make myself happy...i wanna make someones happy...i wanna happy life and happy endings till the days is will comes or i called it...my very last days of happinest....